Spluttering

Well I've no idea where to begin tonight. As covered previously, my RDNS nurse and my GP have been increasingly concerned about the large swelling on my back, which is a cavity left over from the abscess that I developed back in March (now 7 months ago). My GP faxed off a letter to the plastics treatment team asking that I been seen sooner than my scheduled appointment on the 22nd, and the nurse has been coaching me to ask about what they're expectations are about this. I had the appointment today, and you know what? The doctor more or less sentenced me to life with this cavity with shrug of her shoulders. As to expectations, she said they have none as they already gave up all their guesses on how long this would take to heal. She thinks the main track will probably eventually heal and I'll just have the cavity left permanently and it will be susceptible to infection. And then she shrugged.

The instructions for RDNS are to continue dressing it as they have been but to pack it lighter, and that light massage (Lymphedema massage) is OK. We did talk about the lymphedema and she feels light massage for it would be OK. As she also implied that this hole and cavity shouldn't impact at all on my daily life - as in I can resume work and normal activities, I'm not all that confident, as she obviously doesn't really have have a clue as to what life with this is like. She measured and got the same results as the RDNS nurse, but I'm still in pain from the probing. She didn't even seem too concerned that the depth of the track is now deeper than it was start with.

I was left alone for a little while and was really missing Rod for moral support (and indignation!) - the treatment rooms are quite small so relatives aren't allowed in, so I had him drop me off today. I did, however, have 'Mom' with me. In the package my sister recently sent me, was a watch my Mom always wore, and I now wear it whenever I go out. It brought me a lot of comfort that Mom was with me when I had my recent mammogram, and today I just felt her reminding me that I had to stand up for myself and be my own advocate. So when the nurse came in to do up my dressing, I explained to her about the conversation I'd just had had with the doctor and asked if she could arrange for me to have another chat with her as things just weren't sitting right. Without actually saying so, by her other comments and quiet actions, I felt like the nurse actually agreed with me, and she did have the the doctor come back and I sat up and showed her the back with me in sitting position in case she couldn't quite see it when I was on my side, and told her every time I try to live normally - shopping, doing housework like vacuuming, etc it'd take a week to recover from it because the wound would have much more exudate for the next week, not to mention the pain I deal with. I didn't get any further with her beyond a recommendation that I get a referral to the Lymphedema clinic. She seemed to think that the excess fluid was mainly lymph fluid as opposed to exudate and it's both. Honest, she really didn't seem to care a bit. Considering the concern both my GP and the RDNS nurse have had, I know I'm not just being over sensitive and silly.

When Rod picked me up, we went to pick up groceries and I was still feeling grumpy and angry about today, so I bought myself a large chocolate bar and ate half of it after lunch ... while reading the diabetes magazine. This, for me, was a temper tantrum. Sure it was a quiet little rebellion, but it felt satisfying and got some of the agro out of my system. And it also felt NAUGHTY, and I felt like being naughty. Like it doesn't matter what I do because nothing is working anyway. I let Rod have the other half of the Mars bar later in the afternoon.

Tomorrow my RDNS nurse comes, and I just know she's going to be incredulous. If I could sum up my entire appointment this morning, I'd say it left me spluttering. When I next see my GP I'll see if he can refer me to another hospital treatment centre such as one of the Adelaide city hospitals. I know it's a bit more travel time, but I would feel better if I had a second opinion, and I suspect that he'll agree with me. I think at this point, I'd also be willing to pay for a consult with a private doctor for a second opinion as so many things just don't add up.

I have to be out again in the afternoon for another appointment tomorrow morning. This will be the 3rd day this week I've been out, and it's definitely wearing on me, especially as I'm not sleeping all that well at the moment either.


Anyway, on some brighter topics, Rod's birthday was yesterday. I was able to find him some cute prezzies to surprise him with during the day yesterday, starting at midnight with a card and a new torch (flashlight). This one is cool - it doesn't use batteries or need a bulb as it's an LED light and the power for it is based on Michael Faraday's "electro-magnetic induction" principle - all you have to do is shake it for 20 seconds and you're supposed to get 5 minutes of bright light. Well, Rod gave it a shake and set it down and more than 24 hours later (nearly 48 now), it's still light. Given he has a habit of setting down flashlights and leaving them on, this thing is perfect for him. I also left a box wrapped up right where we make coffee/tea everyday. Most people would guess it would be a coffee mug and open it before making a cuppa, but not Rod. Then once he had it opened, it was inside a box, and he couldn't figure out how to get it out of the box. Well I knew it had chocolates inside the mug, so I said (half a dozen times even), before you open the flap on the box, make sure the cup is upright. Did he listen? Noooo.... so little foil wrapped chocolates spilled out everywhere like he'd just cracked open a pinata. Actually it was quite funny. I wish I'd of taped it! Later in the day I have him his last set of gifts, explaining I couldn't get him the cool ready made ones but that he'd probably have more fun making his own.... the first was a set of small white plastic disposable bowls. This was mainly to confuse him, as I knew the next item would be the clincher, and he'd know. The second thing was a small plunger, like you'd use for unclogging a sink. WELL, any fan of Dr Who would know what to do with that -- make you're own Dalek! Heehee! We have a bird house in the back garden that has been overgrown with ivy and every time we uncover the bird house portion we comment on how much like a big green Dalek it looks like. So I've given him a project. The bowls are the little silver circles that go down the 'skirting' on the Dalek. How/If he can attach them is up to him. Meanwhile, he's had a ton of fun 'playing' with the little $1 plunger. What a kid. :-)

I've also found the most darling little Geek tshirts for the little guy (my grandson who's still being "compiled" and will have his big release in January) . Here's a few links:

Newbie
TCP/IP
For Jennifer
v2.0 (there's also a v1.0 for parents)